Sure I'm the new guy, but if you look closely, I've been here all along nursing the screaming infants that are the Car Craft and Hot Rod Web sites and talking to you on message boards, through e-mail, and in person at events. So really, if you have been reading CC magazine any time since 1998 and have visited the Web sites, you've seen me put diesel fuel in my gas tank, rip the inner fender out of Bondurant's Mustang GT, and build a Camaro so insane that guys at the state inspection office threatened me. So now that you know where I'm from, I'll use this space to tell you why I am just like you.
I make mistakes. Like the fun stuff mentioned above, I also called the '94-'96 Impala SS the SS Impala. That annoys the B-body guys because they think you're calling their cars boats. It was a typo really, and the punishment was e-mail spam from their Web ring that went on for years. Please don't do that. If you're mad, send me a calm e-mail and explain.
Computers make me want to smash stuff with a hammer. It's love/hate with computers. The payoff is big when you can surf for car parts on the Wi-Fi and talk to other car dudes in forums. But, having a car not start when it seems to have air, fuel, and spark tends to make me hurl tools. The price of the scanners doesn't help much either. I've owned EFI cars and love it when they idle nicely and get reasonable mileage and don't stumble on tip-in. I love how when a component fails, the computer points it out and I can replace it with a screwdriver, and I love it when the knock sensor keeps the pistons from exploding on a big nitrous run. So plan on seeing more of that stuff only with the Car Craft DIY twist.
I have a fascination with engines and stuff. I often waste time just sitting and looking at my stuff. It's not laziness; I don't know what to call it. I like to look at the shiny stuff in catalogs and even go to the wrecking yard to look or just sit and stare at multiple carbs like I'm doing right now with the sheetmetal intake on my desk. There is a reason for chairs in the shop. Use one while you read this mag.
I wouldn't get in trouble without cars. My entire criminal record involves cars. I never thought stealing them was a good idea, but I've been close to the slammer for iniquities that just come naturally for our ilk. What's so wrong about a burnout in the empty parking lot behind the movie theater after work? If the cops think it's illegal, then it is. And try hiding the fact when the hides are still steaming.
I like weird stuff. Don't get insulted and put me on the spam list if I call the car you drive weird. It's a good thing. What I mean are cars and parts that are off the path, way off in some ways and downright average in others. Take the Rambler, for instance. Sure, it's sort of a freak show to look at, but deep down it's a lightweight two-door with a leaf spring rearend. Pretty normal.
I'm married. I might not be like you in this respect, but that's OK. You still need to find a girl and teach her how to avoid understeer, along with the heel-toe downshift and other car knowledge. If you do these things for her and check her oil, she will eventually marry you. My girl did. If you are a girl reading this, send e-mail, the publisher is single.
I'm a regular dude. When I go shopping (when The Girl is away), I buy microwavable meat and big bags of potato chips and beer. Then I go home and eat it all in one bowl with one spoon so there are fewer dishes. Saves time for working in the shop.
I had a mullet. In the (very) late '80s, I could have been classified as CamaroMullet because I had both a '77 Camaro and finely tuned locks. My friends were BarfightMullet and DokkenMullet. It was cool then, really.
The point is that I am the real deal. I build the weird stuff because the weird stuff is the most fun. Bigger and faster everything has been what I dig, and few people outside of the Car Craft universe can understand, most notably some cops, people who think commuter cars are fast, most of the guys I went to college with, and my sister. So stay with me and tune in next month when I tell you why everyone should drive real fast, all the time.-Douglas R. Glad
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